"Queen Of The Amazons" -1947.

Okay. Today's rant is concerning the little known (and for good reason) "Queen Of The Amazons" which was released in 1947 to the eager movie-going public and was met with a thunderous "Meh." After all, this is three years after the end of WWII and it takes a little more than a crazy dame in a leopard skin dress to get people's tongues wagging.

Tagline: "White Goddess of the Dark Jungle.She offered ECSTASY and DEATH!" That, madam, is an offer I must refuse. Thanks though. You should have stopped at "ecstasy".

General overall plot:        
White chick leads a party to India to investigate the disappearance of her boyfriend but someone thwarts their efforts through lies and murder. After their best lead gets shot, they go to Africa where guide Gary Lambert and his comic cook Gabby (the fat guy with the gun in the poster) guide them into unknown territory. The boyfriend is found living with Zita (oops!), a jealous and beautiful Amazon queen. The mysterious deaths continue as the guide tries to discover who has been dealing in contraband ivory. When he solves that mystery, he also uncovers the identity of the mysterious murderer.

It's Gabby. Oops, I mean "spoiler alert!"....it's Gabby. You could probably figure that out from the poster all by yourself, I guess. Really, he's the best part of the whole movie. Gabby (played by J. Edward Bromberg....you'll remember him from such films as "Queen Of The Amazons" and...not much else) is one of those guys from movies of this era where when they shot a pistol they flick their hand forward while shooting, as if they have to flick the bullets out of the gun. It strikes me as very comical. Try that with a real gun and you'd probably shoot yourself in the face.

Things I learned from this movie:
1- There is apparently more than one Amazon
2- Natives of India, when speaking to each other in private, will speak in English
3- if you can't afford to film in India (or Africa) just go to the San Diego Zoo and get some footage there




4- crows are apparently common in the Amazon and make excellent pets
5- when you look through a telescope, you can see things in slow-motion
6- in spite of showing us the female lead is a perfect shot with a pistol, she will stand with a pistol in hand and do nothing as her guide is mauled by a lion

7- there is a hilariously bad scream at 35 minutes
8- Zita and....Greg?...of the wild Amazon

9- real quote, said in the middle of Africa "This is no place for a monkey!"
10- if a bad guy throws a spear in a hut ten feet across he will miss his target.

Bonus facts! Keith Richards is in this! No, really! Well, not the guy from The Rolling Stones but a guy named Keith Richards. I think the Keith from The Stones was probably only 25 or so in 1947.