"Earth Vs. The Flying Saucers" - 1956.

Tagline: "Flying saucers attack!"....Yeah, I...kinda figured that one out...all by myself. Thanks.

Plot: Dr. Russel A. Marvin,

rocket scientist and cradle robber, is recording memos on his "micro"-recorder while his entirely-too-young-for-him newlywed wife, Carol, drives through the California desert. *Gasp!* What's that up on the road? A head?!....Sorry, I meant: What's that up on the road ahead?

Why, I do say, Carol....I believe that to be an Unidentified Flying Object. Or, in layman's terms, a Flying Saucer. My stars! Why can't people just react the way the average person would really react upon seeing an enormous unexplainable extraterrestrial vehicle: scream and crap their pants.

I, personally, would scream like a ten year old girl at a One Direction concert.

My passenger would need a hearing aid for the rest of their natural life, I guarantee it. Anyway, Mr and Mrs. No Big Deal don't realise the audio tape has recorded the close encounter and they fire up a cigarette and head back to Russel and Carol's workplace: an air base called "Sky Hook" where Dr. Marvin is about to launch his 11th rocket into orbit around the Earth.
Carol's dad, the General, pops in

to try and talk Russel out of sending up another rocket, since he has just discovered the other ten are either missing or downed. (Oh, and by the by, Dad, Russel and I got married!) Russel decides he has no choice but to continue and sends up the rocket. So far, so good. Carol, Russel and General Dad get together for a bite (naturally, Carol has to cook for the men).

Did bachelors in the 50s just not eat between the time they left their mother's home and the time they found a woman to cook for them? Is that why they had to hike their pants up around their armpits? Just a bunch of skinny young men, staggering around until some young lady takes pity on them and cooks them a pot roast.

Then it's picket fences, Brylcreem

and weekends with kids. Sounds okay by me, actually. Sign me up for some of that American Dream!...and I'm Canadian! Where was I?....Oh, yes: while dining on Carol's pot roast (or whatever she whipped up) General Dad and Russel discuss why the 10 previous rockets seem to be dropping like....things that are easily dropped. (Hey, they can't all be gems!) They also take note of St. Elmo's Fire.

....Uh, no, actually the other one:

Or at least they think it's St. Elmo's Fire. (Ooooh! Foreshadowing!) Then word comes that contact with the 11th rocket has been lost. That's peculiar. First there are all these people reporting seeing flying saucers,

then strange lights, a close encounter and now 11 rockets in a row have mysteriously vanished/gone kablooie. Weird. Could be anything, though. Oh, well...back to work then. But, oh dear! Upon arrival back at Sky Hook the aliens make an appearance

and, after being fired upon by some soldiers

who obviously aren't familiar with UFO movie story lines, they obliterate pretty much everything.

This traps our newlyweds underground with nothing more than their wits and a "small" audio recorder.

As the generator slowly loses power, the tape with the UFO sounds on it slows as well, and a message to Dr. Marvin can then be heard. It's the aliens giving warning that they will be landing at Sky Hook and not to shoot at them.

Oops! Well, better late than never, I guess. Meanwhile, General Dad has been abducted

and the aliens don't waste any time using their Big Rose Thingy

(they call it something else) to suck the knowledge from his brain, leaving him a drooling fool

....or, as we Canadians call it, a politician.

Eventually Russel and Carol are rescued and brought to Washington,

where a new, less friendly message from the aliens awaits. They are taking over the Earth but don't want to lay waste in order to do so

and demand that Dr. Marvin broker a deal between the leaders of the world and the aliens. To show they mean business (destroying an entire base wasn't enough?) they blow up a boat ("You sank my Battleship!") and give Dr. Marvin the exact coordinates and time so he can convince the brass. The aliens give Dr. Marvin 56 days to make it happen. Instead, Russel uses the time to fashion a weapon

that uses magnetism to disrupt the UFO flying doo-hickies and cause them to crash.
This pisses off the invading aliens (huh....who knew?) and then it's a full-on war! At least in Washington, where all of these weapons have been fabricated. Paris,

you're on your own for now. Will these devices be enough to send the alien invaders packing? Probably. Maybe everybody dies. You'll have to watch this movie to know for sure!

Things I learned from this movie: 1- Mr. Burns is an alien,

2- the people that arrange the publicity photos need to get in on the directing because the photos are always more interesting,

3- everything this row of computers is doing in this photo can be done with an App now,

4- just like the meteorites in "Armageddon" the UFOs in this movie can only crash into well-known landmarks,

5- nobody thought it was funny when Dr. Marvin said "Look! I'm a thumb!",

6- even rocket scientists need a row of lights to help them count to ten,

7- at first I thought Carol had a bandage on her head and I thought "What the Hell did I miss?"....then I realised it was a hat,

8- after a hard couple of months battling aliens, nothing beats a relaxing day at the beach!