"Dementia 13" -1963.

Tagline: "You Must Pass the "D-13" Test To Prepare You for the Horrifying Experience of Dementia 13. If You Fail the Test...You Will Be Asked to Leave the Theatre!" No word on if any theatres actually demanded paying customers leave, but I would guess not.

After Alfred Hitchcock's "Psycho" thoroughly freaked out the general public in 1960,

the way horror movies were made took a turn towards the unflinchingly bloody and gruesome. Now, to be sure, these movies couldn't hold a candle to the vomit inducing fare we "enjoy" in today's horror movies, but if you watch horror prior to 1960 and horror after 1960 you can see a distinct change.

A young sound man was working on a film called "The Young Racers"

that was being directed by Roger Corman and asked if he could "borrow" a few actors and cameras to film his own project he had previously written. That sound man went on to direct some of Hollywood's best-known films, including "The Outsiders", "Apocalypse Now" and "The Godfather".

But we all have to start somewhere and Francis Ford Coppola started with "Dementia 13". To be clear, Coppola did direct three movies before this, but none received the attention that this movie generated. If there is one thing I have always liked about Coppola's directing style it's that he doesn't drown his movies in music. Often there is no sound at all just before something is to happen, and I think it helps. Especially after listening to the score for some other B-movies, where there is tension on the screen while a happy little diddy skips merrily through your imagination. Irritating!

Plot: Louise

is married to John, one of the members of the uber-rich Haloran family. For reasons unknown, John and Louise decide to take a jaunt in a row boat in the dead of night. But John has a bad heart and suffers a cardiac arrest. Louise knows without John to tie her to the money she's done, so she tosses his body over the side,

types a note to John's mother explaining he has to go on a trip, forges his signature and then arrives at Haloran Castle.

Lady Haloran

is still upset after the drowning of her daughter, Kathleen, seven years earlier and is still in a fragile state of mind. Add to the mix two sons: Richard,

the oldest, who wishes to marry Kane (that's her behind the axe)

and Billy,

the middle child who keeps having nightmares about the day Kathleen drowned. Now if we just had a conveniently placed axe we could get cooking......

Ah! There we go! Well, now that we have an axe, I guess we need fodder for our murderer....hmmm...well, we have the castle keeper, Arthur,

the slightly deranged games keeper, Simon,

and the family physician/psychiatrist Dr. Caleb. That should be a pretty good start.

Things I learned from this movie: 1- I never heard of "Dementia 13" until my fiancee bought it for me....I am pleasantly surprised, 2- not once does the axe murderer say "I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse", 3- the "13" was only added because it was discovered that a 1955 film was already called "Dementia" (again starring our portly B-movie regular Bruno VeSota),

4- singer/songwriter Tom Petty has said he used a line from this movie in his song "American Girl".

the quote is "It's nice to see her enjoying herself for a change. The mood around this place isn't good for her.... especially an American girl. You can tell she's been raised on promises." If you know the song you'll see it wasn't much of a stretch to get to the lyrics, 5- if you're typing out a forged letter it helps to read the words out loud as you type them, 6- crazy people can pick up women by the head with one hand

but have to drag them behind them after they get tired,

7- average time until a woman gets undressed in a horror movie: six minutes,

8- the only thing creepier than a crawling-baby toy is a monkey-with-an-axe toy,

9- if you had any doubt that this was actually filmed in Ireland here's a homely woman with bad teeth at a pub,

10- where do they find these creepy toys? Manson R Us?

Pointless and dull trivia: That's William Campbell playing Richard. If you're a fan of Star Trek he probably looks familiar. Campbell played two very different characters on the original series in 1967. He was "Trelane", the temper-tantrum throwing alien in "The Squire of Gothos"

and the Klingon Commander "Koloth" in "The Trouble With Tribbles".

Campbell also revisited his Klingon roots (in 1994) in "Star Trek: Deep Space 9" in the same role. Campbell was a regular at Star Trek conventions and was also the best man at James "Scotty" Doohan's 1974 wedding. I assume not dressed as a Klingon.

Luana Anders played Louise.

Anders was a good friend of former classmate Jack Nicolson and appeared in quite a few of his movies with him, including "The Last Detail",

"Missouri Breaks" and "Easy Rider".

For my purposes, Anders will be best remembered as Vincent Price's unfortunate sister in "The Pit And The Pendulum".

Another interesting note is that Bart Patton, who played Billy, was, at the time, married to Mary Mitchel, who played Kane. Okay, I guess "interesting" is a bit strong.

How about this one? Patrick Magee, one of two Irish-born actors featured in this movie filmed in Ireland, also played "Mr. Alexander"

the crippled writer in Stanley Kubrick's "A Clockwork Orange"....still not impressed? Fine! How about this? Kubrick also made "The Shining" starring Jack Nicolson, who was good friends with Luana Anders, so Hollywood is just basically one big dysfunctional family. I thought that might do it.
In closing, I present these random photos, some of which pertain to the movie in question. It is up to YOU, dear reader, to decipher the cleverly hidden false photos.

That's right! Billy is holding the axe with his right hand when he is obviously left handed! A clever forgery, but I knew you couldn't be fooled! Well played, faithful reader, well played.